December 2009 – Page 2 – Blue Ink Alchemy

Month: December 2009 (page 2 of 6)

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! The House Bunny

[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/house_bunny.mp3]

I’m going to begin with a confession. This is not the sort of movie that finds its way onto my Netflix queue. However, when I find myself at my parents’ house for the holidays, I tend to be more at the mercy of what’s on their big-screen TV. The House Bunny ended up being on during Christmas Eve, and rather than treat it the way I do most modern American comedies – with cynicism and contempt – I thought I’d give it a fair shake. Seemed only fair, since on more than one occasion the ladies were shaking things themselves. The film stars Anna Faris, Colin Hanks, Emma Stone, Kat Dennings, Christopher McDonald, Beverly D’Angelo, Katherine McPhee and Hugh Hefner.

Shelly Darlingson (Faris) is a Playboy bunny. She’s not centerfold-worthy despite being sexy, vivacious and in her twenties. At twenty-seven, however, she’s told she’s too old to be a bunny and gets kicked out of the Playboy Mansion. Downtrodden, she comes across attractive women living together in a sorority, but they kick her out because she’s not a student. Shelly washes up at a sorority of misfit girls, and having learned that older women become house mothers for sorority girls like these, takes it upon herself to transform the house to a mansion all its own, and the girls within to beautiful heart-stoppers that become the talk of the campus.

Despite the somewhat generic university misfits becoming awesome plot, this movie works as a fun little comedy most of the time. If it weren’t for Anna Faris’ honest and well-paced delivery of her lines and the way the others play off of her performance, this concept would utterly fail. The buoyancy she brings to the writing and direction has less to do with her ‘assets’ and more with her experience and sincerity. As honest as Faris and her co-stars are with themselves, they’re also smart enough not to take themselves too seriously. While some of the jokes and gags fall flat, which is an inevitability when you’re dealing with ground that’s been tread before in comedy, the ones that work do so well enough to keep us interested long enough to expect the next one – or is it the T&A? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

Again, this isn’t the sort of thing I’d normally watch. Sure, sex is funny. To paraphrase Alan Rickman as the Metatron in Dogma, consider some of the faces people make in the midst of coitus. And mixing the inherent comedy of women that get by on their looks alone with the tried & true formula that worked for Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds and PCU sounds like another one of those chocolate/peanut butter combinations. I honestly believe that Anna Faris, the best and most consistent thing about the Scary Movie series, is the reason this movie works as well as it does. It has good things to say about female empowerment not unlike Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde – the latter film being borrowed from heavily when Shelly needs to, like, learn stuff. In fact this movie is more a casserole than a Reese’s treat – so many things left over from other movies are mixed together to make this one. But it’s a dessert casserole, sweet and decadent and offering a bit of substance, like a cake that’s more frosting than cake but has just enough cake to still be called a cake. If that makes any sense.

I have another confession. I was secretly hoping this movie would be horrible. I was hoping I’d be able to tear it apart the way a lion tears apart a wildebeest. But there’s just enough in The House Bunny to save it from having its dessicated carcass join the likes of In The Name of the King in the back of my little Internet den. It’s not earth-shattering or breaking any new ground or pushing any envelopes, but it’s not utter dross or completely brainless or heartless either. It takes turns being funny, cute and sexy, and while it never completely hits the mark on any of those turns, it’s not a total miss. There isn’t any real danger to our girls of anything horrible happening, and Shelly changes her mind quite a few times in the film’s third act. In the end, though, while it didn’t make me think at all, it made me laugh at times and that’s the goal of a comedy. You’re really not missing anything if you don’t add The House Bunny to your Netflix queue, but if you like your collegiate comedy wearing a bikini and pink bunny ears, you could do worse. And there’s nothing wrong with seeing Anna Faris in that outfit.

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

A Holiday Wish

December 25, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 1 Comment

Whatever walk of faith you might be on
(if any)
Whatever wish you have for this season
(if any)
No matter where you go
Or who you are with

I pray for you to be happy
I pray for you to be at peace
I pray for you to know great love
And I pray for you to give love in return.

Merry Christmas.

On The Tube: Fringe

December 24, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 7 Comments

I have fond memories of the days at university when the lights would go out, we’d sit on the couch or floor with our hastily-cooked meals and wait for The X-Files to come on. We drank in the ambiance, the supernatural nature of the weekly problems and the interplay between Mulder and Scully. Not to mention Scully herself. Since the show left the air, there have been some attempts to recapture that sort of eerie and disturbing storytelling magic. Treshold came close but was let down by a small audience, a bad time slot on Sci-Fi Channel (which has since renamed itself SyFy which should tell you something about the chimps running the joint) and a lack of mystery or real suspense. At least they had Carla Gugino, though.

And then Fringe came along.

J.J. Abrams, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman drew inspiration for their show not only from The X-Files but also The Twilight Zone (remember that one, kids?), the film Altered States and Michael Crichton’s novels, as well as mixing in the procedural atmosphere of Law & Order and the serial nature of Abrams’ previous major success, Lost. Unlike the writers of Threshold, which included Brannon Braga to nobody’s surprise, Abrams, Orci and Kurtzman quickly demonstrated their ability to build suspense, maintain mystery and create dramatic tension between interesting, multi-dimensional characters.

One of the first casting choices they made was John Noble as Dr. Walter Bishop. The thinking, it seems, was something along the lines of “What’s a show about mad science without a mad scientist?” But unlike the dour Dr. Frankenstein or the madcap Emmett Brown, Dr. Bishop has the somewhat doddering charm of an aging but beloved grandparent coupled with a scientific curiosity that supersedes what most people would consider sound ethics. The good doctor has the answers to the causes behind a string of inexplicable and deadly events being investigated by “Fringe Division,” a multi-agency task force. FBI agent Olivia Dunham, played by Anna Torv, is recruited for this top-secret operation following the mysterious death of an airliner full of passengers and mortal wounding of her partner and lover, John Scott. Her investigation leads her to Walter Bishop, who’s been institutionalized for almost two decades. To get him out, she needs to enlist Walter’s son, Peter Bishop. More than just a means to access Walter as both next of kin and a cypher, Peter is a genius in his own right, a master of several languages and has the sort of shady connections that allow Dunham to go just outside the law to get whatever she needs to solve her case. Peter is played by Joshua Jackson, who got the role after impressing Abrams in his audition for James T. Kirk.

The show is fresh and visceral without seeming hackneyed despite it’s inspirations. Characters develop gradually instead of in fits and starts, the science behind the odd events has some rooting in reality and is never a technobabble fix worthy of Star Trek. Unlike Lost, where the plot is obfuscatory at best, the procedural nature of Fringe keeps the events rooted and moving forward in spite of their supernatural aspects. Everything that happens in Fringe feels like it could happen, even when things like teleportation, pyrokinesis and interdimensional travel are introduced. The fact that these things are happening to and around people we actually care about helps make Fringe worth watching, as well.

The first season is available on DVD and the second season is well underway. Thursday nights in January will find me waiting for the innocuous piano music that introduces the show with hints at things like “Dark Matter,” “Suspended Animation” and “Telepathy.” Like those days gone by, I’ll be turning down the lights and wondering what sweet treat Walter’s obsessing over this week. He, after all, very eloquently described the simple appeal of a root beer float:

“It’s heavenly. And earthly, at the same time.”

The same, one might argue, could be said for Fringe itself.

Everything’s Cooler in Space, even Canned Goods!

December 23, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 0 Comments

My work computer decided there was no point in being productive after the old UPS finally kicked the bucket. So, since I have very little time at the moment, here’s a look at some of the Perks I’ve dreamed up for the sci-fi tabletop RPG. Enjoy.

Perks

Perks are either passive or active. Passive Perks work automatically when they need to, Active Perks require spending Action Points.

Perks are either general or exclusive. General Perks are available to multiple professions, Exclusive Perks are only available to one profession and are lost if the player changes professions.

Some Perks add a skill or knowledge, and are neither passive nor active.

Discipline: The Moon is a harsh mistress, and life under the massive domes has taught you how to keep your cool. Any time you make a skill check that requires either concentration or maintaining your composure, after any attribute value(s) have been applied and points, perks and penalties are accounted for, you may spend a number of Action Points up to an amount equal to your level in order to pass. Beware, though, as keeping up a poker face can take a toll on you if done for too long. General, Active.

Hard Knocks: Life on Io has taught you how to take a punch. Either a family member sparred with you or the bullies used you for a punching bag… unless you were the bully. You do not apply damage penalties to your skill checks unless you are Exhausted. However, people see you as somewhat boorish. You can only apply one attribute to any skill check that includes Charisma. General, Passive.

Historian: Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. You’ve dedicated yourself to studying the lessons of the past, and your knowledge has become somewhat encyclopeadic. Applying this knowledge to any situation you’re in, you may spend an Action Point to reduce the amount of Action Points necessary to pass a skill check by half (rounded up). History can’t teach you everything, however, and if you rely too much on your knowledge, it may betray you in the end. General, Active.

Humorless B______: You are unimpressed with the attempts people make to amuse, charm, intimidate or persuade you. When rolling an opposed skill check in a social situation, you may apply the value of the associated attribute(s) *twice* to your roll. However, when *you* attempt to charm or persuade someone, you do not apply the values of *any* attribute(s) to your roll. Rolls to intimidate are unaffected. General, Passive.

Infiltrator: You know how to slip into and out of areas without being noticed. When rolling a check for your Sneak skill, apply the values of both your Agility and Perception to your roll. General, Passive.

Lockpicking: You gain the Lockpicking skill. This is a combined skill requiring Intelligence and Agility.

Lucky B______: In situations where most people get themselves maimed or killed, you always seem to come out on top. Once per game, for half your total Action Points, you may *reverse* the dice in your skill check roll, rather than applying attribute values or other Perks. Thus, a roll of 61 becomes a 16. General, Active.

Martial Arts: On the red sands of Mars, the disciples of the ancient and deadly arts of Terra’s greatest martial arts masters maintain their secrets, and you are one of the chosen few with access to that knowledge. When you engage in Unarmed Combat, your hands and feet are considered deadly weapons, and deal double damage. You also meditate and practice several habits condusive to the discipline required for your training, which means you do not apply the values of *any* attribute(s) to rolls involving deception, intimidation or ranged weapons. This penalty does not apply to the MARS system – how exactly are you supposed to dropkick a battlecruiser? General, Passive.

On Your Feet: Blows that might drop people without your perseverance barely faze you. Once per combat, spend a number of Action Points equal to double your level to negate the result of a damage roll that would otherwise render you Unconscious. General, Active.

Silver Tongue: You talk fast and smooth, and are very good at telling people want they want to hear. In any social situation, you may apply the value of your Charisma twice to your skill check. General, Passive.

Stargazer: You have never forgotten the wonder the felt the first time you looked up at the sky and wondered at the scale and scope of outer space. When you are in deep space, which includes the surface of an unterraformed world, you do not apply fatigue penalties to any skill checks unless you are Wounded. However, all your studies of the stars didn’t leave you much time for sports or physical activity. You can only apply one attribute to any skill checks involving Strength. General, Passive.

Urbanite: The sprawling cities of Terra make you a versatile asset to any situation. You’ve seen it all, heard it all and are ready for just about anything. At the end of a turn in which you’ve spent Action Points, you regain an amount equal to your level. Unfortunately, your urban lifestyle makes you ill-prepared for life outside of a city. In any situation outside of a city, you can only apply one attribute to skill checks you make. General, Passive.

Jotting in the Margins: Writing Smart

December 22, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 2 Comments

There was an excellent post made about “Moff’s Law” – which is, in essence, the notion that anybody making a comment about ‘just enjoying a movie/tv series/novel/game without analyzing it or thinking it through’ is demonstrating monumental stupidity. I think it’s worth noting, however, that if the creator of a work doesn’t engage their brain, the audience isn’t likely to either.

The brain, courtesy medicalimages.allrefer.com

“What’s your story about?” It’s a common question asked of authors, but one has to wonder how much the questions is actually pondered. Can you discuss the story beyond a brief synopsis of the plot? What are the themes of your work? From where are you drawing inspiration? Who are you hoping to engage?

Answering these questions won’t just allow you defend your work on an Internet forum. You’ll be able to assemble a better, attention-getting pitch if you can not only recap the story but also point out how it relates to current events, other successful works or deep philosophical issues. I’m not an authority on representation, but I’d be more inclined to represent a work if it’s got more to it than tits and explosions.

Not that there’s anything wrong with tits and explosions, mind you. After all, one of the cardinal rules of mass media in all its forms is “Give the people what they want.” And people, by and large, are interested in sex and violence. Both of them lead to drama, one way or another. But do these things serve the story, or is the story merely a vehicle for them?

Compare Terminator: Salvation to District 9. Both of them are sci-fi stories set in the present or the near-future, with human characters interacting with non-human ones. However, in one you have a straightforward action flick that tries to be gritty and serious and just comes off as full of itself, while in the other the story flows naturally from one event to another and the action scenes, riveting and exciting, grow organically from the story while maintaining the dramatic punch of the themes and mood.

Guess which is which. Go on, guess.

If all you do is toss good-looking women and breakneck action at the audience, they might comment on how good those things were and not discuss anything else, all but forgetting the experience the second that discussion ends. Include more nuances, mix in an interesting theme and find ways to make the audience think about what’s happening, and your work will not only generate more interesting discussion, people will want to experience it again, to make sure they fully understand everything you’re trying to say.

The best treats have layers to them. A water cracker by itself can be tasty but a bit bland and forgettable. Spread some cheese on that cracker, maybe add a bit of prosciutto or some chives depending on the cheese, and the snack takes on new dimensions and you’ll find yourself wanting more. Along those same lines, an attractive heroine is one thing, but an attractive heroine with a driving goal, personal issues and a strong sense of right and wrong will make the audience more interested in what happens to her, not just seeing her take off her clothes.

Let’s say your heroine is played by Carla Gugino.

She’s pretty sexy on her own, but Carla has played a few nuanced roles in her time. The Silk Spectre in Watchmen, the worst-case-scenario government consultant in the underrated and short-lived series Threshold, and Marv’s lesbian shrink in Sin City are just a few examples of the highlights of her career so far. She has charisma, radiates intelligence in most of her roles and draws in the audience just as much with her delivery and pacing as she does with her physical assets. It’d be easy for a writer or producer to toss her in a role just so she can shake her money-maker, but writing a role that makes use of her other talents and ties into an underlying theme causes her to all but explode out of the screen.

In the end, it’s not enough to just give the people what they want. You have to be smart about how you make that delivery.

I mean, I could have just posted that pic of Carla without tying it into the overall theme of the post. That’d be like mentioning Abby Sciuto just because she brings in the mad hits.