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500 Words on 50 Shades of Grey

February 13, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Courtesy Wikipedia

So. Here’s the best way I can think of to communicate my feeling about 50 Shades of Gray, since I don’t know the onomatopoeia for violent projectile vomiting. If I did, I’d just type that word out 500 times. Or go the Spider Jerusalem route, and type the word “FUCK” 500 times. But alas, you’re stuck with the following extended metaphor.

Imagine you live in a small town, with limited contact with the greater world at large. You come up with a great recipe for hamburgers. You work very hard getting the right balance of spices right for your patties so that they have their own distinctive flavor. You put them together with care, making fresh-baked buns, selecting high-quality vegetables, good cheese, the works. The people to whom you serve your burgers give you positive feedback, and you think about how to open a restaurant so that as many people as possible can try out your burgers.

Then someone opens up a McDonald’s down the street from you.

The burgers available at McDonald’s are not the best. They’re not even that good. Sure, they’re convenient, cheap, and satisfying in a passable way to a lot of people, but having tasted them yourself, you know for a fact that it’s a sub-standard product that is, in the long run, bad for you. It advertises itself as some sort of great burger or meal, but you can taste the lie in every bite. In fact, there’s something downright abusive about it, at least as far as your tract is concerned.

Still, McDonald’s is marketed very well. An inexpensive product is an easier one from which to wring a profit. It may not be good for a lot of the population, and it certainly isn’t a great example of nutritional food by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s certainly good business. The people in charge of McDonald’s rake it in as the people eating the food get the wrong idea about what makes good cuisine, drop dead from obesity and cholesterol, and complain about the prices of burgers elsewhere, including the place you tried to open up but had to close almost immediately because McDonald’s drove you out of business.

Hopefully, people understand why you’re bitter, and glare at every set of golden arches you happen to see. However, you can’t stop people from liking what they like, or putting whatever they want into their bodies. As long as people don’t feed themselves entirely on McDonald’s, and make smart decisions in spite of McDonald’s presence, there really isn’t a lot of harm being done. You have a personal beef (pardon the pun) for a variety of reasons, but as long as you’re not being an asshole about it, you’re not going to stop people from consuming something they enjoy.

Okay, I think I’ve made my point. Like I said, it’s difficult for me to think of another way to express myself. So… not seeing the movie, but have fun if you do.

Goblinhearth vs. Gnomestone, Part 2

February 12, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Courtesy Blizzard Entertainment

Picking up where things left off last week, we’re talking about the changes and updates to the classes that came from ‘Goblins vs. Gnomes’, and how I see the decks for those classes shaping up.

Rogue – A Pirate’s Life For Me!

Pirates, like mechs, have long been a subset of minions in Hearthstone without much in the way of support. You would occasionally see a gimmick deck built around the scurvy scalawags, but almost never on the ladder. ‘Goblins vs. Gnomes’ brings not only more pirate minions, but cards that benefit from you playing pirates. The [Ship’s Cannon] goes off every time a fresh pirate hits the table, and [One-eyed Cheat] disappears from view under the same circumstances. I still don’t know if there’s enough there for a competitive deck. However, with the addition of the [Salty Dog] and [One-eyed Cheat], there are more mid-game threats that a pirate crew can present.

I like pairing pirates with the Rogue because the Rogue is never without a weapon, and many pirates still operate best when a weapon is involved. While other classes do have weapons, the Rogue gets one from her hero power, meaning that pirates can almost always be at their best. Even in Casual games, when things are going well, you’ll be singing shanties in no time.

Shaman – Murlocs? Really?

Much like pirates, murlocs – the barely civilized species of amphibian beings found throughout Azeroth – had several minions with low casting costs, and even a Legendary leader in [Old Murk-Eye], but it was difficult to make things viable for a lasting game against competitive decks on the ladder. And, much like pirates, murlocs got some reinforcements in ‘Goblins vs. Gnomes’ with beefier minions. However, the biggest changes were exclusive to Shamans, with the [Siltfin Spiritwalker] who benefits from your murlocs being killed or sacrificed… and the elemental lord of water, [Neptulon].

Despite a hero power that always cranks out little minions in the form of totems, Shaman decks have tended towards control schemes, the Overload mechanic keeping their speed under control, for the most part. With the new murlocs, a Shaman deck can be a great deal more aggressive. My experiments with the deck I’ve built have proven it can be fun, but it doesn’t quite have the consistency to be truly competitive. Still, it never hurts to have a fully aggressive weapon in the arsenal.

Warlock – Demonology is totally a viable build, guys.

The above is a statement made within Hearthstone‘s inspiration, World of Warcraft. Warlocks have a sub-type of minions all to themselves, for the most part – demons. In Hearthstone, you can fill your deck with infernal minions, and Naxxramas added the [Voidcaller], which brings demons into play even more quickly. However, most Warlocks do not take this route.

A deck focused on demons would likely sit squarely in the middle between the aggressive (“Zoolock”) and late-game control (“Handlock”) variants that most people would be familiar with,if they are familiar with Hearthstone‘s competitive scene at all. As a “Demonology” deck is a more rare sight, it will be more difficult for opponents to predict your next move. There’s something to be said for that, what with season after season seeing variations on the same decks returning over and over again to the Legendary ranks. If you’re going to try and compete with this deck, however, I would recommend acquiring [Mal’Ganis] – he’s a potent threat that opponents need to address.

Warrior – Garrosh Is Still A Massive Dick

Of all of the classes in Hearthstone, I would venture to say that Warriors have changed the least since the advent of ‘Goblins vs. Gnomes’. While Warriors can field mechs or pirates like any other class, but there’s very little incentive to do so. The most effective Warrior decks are still control-flavored, favoring minions that buff you or your other minions when they are harmed.

The only two minions to really earn places in a competitive Warrior’s deck are the [Shieldmaiden] and the [Siege Engine], which bolster your armor and continue to put pressure on your opponent. Warriors already have an incredibly solid core for ladder-climbing, and if there’s any group of folks who subscribe to the philosophy of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it”, it’s CCG players. I mean, look at the people who play Legacy in Magic: the Gathering!

(…please don’t hurt me, folks)

So what’s the future for Hearthstone? If ‘Goblins vs. Gnomes’ is any indication, the guys at Blizzard know what they’re doing when it comes to designing a cracking good card game. There’s an active community that is providing constant feedback, and tweaks are routinely being made to maintain balance between the classes and competitors as much as possible – looking at you, [Undertaker]. I’m still playing when I can, possibly live on Twitch… if people would be interested in watching, that is.

From the Vault: Theorycrafting

February 11, 2015 / / 0 Comments

I am giving some serious thought to jumping back into the mix of tactical planning, visceral satisfaction, and utter frustration that is League of Legends. To that end, and since I’m not quite back on the review train yet, here’s a relevant post from back in the day that reflects what I’m doing now: planning builds and investigating new Champions. I am, once again, theorycrafting.

Courtesy Riot Games, Art by Akonstad

In this blogging space I’ve talked about writing and gaming in tandem. I’ve tried to give each a fair amount of time, but I’ve never really examined the connection between the two. Other than the overactive imagination, I think a big part of my inclination towards these activities is my tendency towards theorycrafting.

I haven’t been playing Magic: the Gathering that often in the last couple of weeks, mostly due to the hours I’m spending at the office lately. But I do love deck construction. I like seeing the cards available to a particular set or format and trying to find ways of putting an effective threat together, especially if it’s in a way that’s been unexplored. They don’t always work, of course, but that’s part of the appeal of experimentation: taking a chance to see what happens. I try to plan as many contingencies as I can before the game even starts.

The same could be said for the way I approach League of Legends. I spend some time looking over the abilities, statistics and build orders of various champions, toying with different sequences and combinations. When Nautilus was released a few weeks ago, I found his art, story and kit so appealing I picked him up and started toying with builds immediately. In fact, I’m still doing so, in order to find that balance between taking punishment and dishing it out. I may go more in-depth at another time as to why doing so in this game feels more satisfying to me than, say, StarCraft 2, but like my Magic decks, crafting and tweaking a champion’s progression long before I fire up the game is rewarding, especially when I manage to help the team win.

Part of this may be due to my experiences as a Dungeon Master. I delve into rulebooks and supplementary material, draw up maps, lay out stats and even stories for the NPCs and so on. I used to lay out elaborate and somewhat linear stories to lead my players down, but I realized quickly players want elbow room and freedom to choose for themselves. While this undermined my desire to tell a specific story somewhat, it also allowed me to plan more of those contingencies I like to ponder. DMs and players share these stories in equal measure, after all, there’s no reason for one side of the screen to hog all the fun.

This thread does carry through to my writing. It’s been said that writers are either ‘plotters’ who plan things out before pen hits papers (or fingers hit keyboard), ‘pantsers’ who fly by the seat of their pants, or a combination of the two. You can read more about the distinction here. For my part, I’m definitely more of a plotter than a pantser, with a great deal of time devoted to outlines, character sketches, expansion on background elements, and research relevant to the story. The problem with all of this theorycrafting, though, is that getting wrapped up in it can take time away from the actual writing that needs to happen. Then again, I know that if I don’t take the time to figure out where I’m going in the first place, I will hit a wall and sit looking at it for just as long.

Do you indulge in theorycrafting? Or do you jump right into things?

Midnight Oil Doesn’t Burn Clean

February 10, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Courtesy Wiki Commons

It’s pretty much a romantic ideal. The dedicated writer or the voracious student hunched over a desk, illuminated by a single light source, in the dead of night. I’ve pulled all-nighters myself, in the past. And there are times, these days, where I am up working on something past midnight. But they are becoming fewer and farther between, which might be a good thing. As much as it might sometimes be necessary to burn the midnight oil to meet a deadline or solve a problem, this solution is really only a short term one.

Midnight oil is a fuel source that certainly helps in closing the gap between where you are and where you want your work to be, but it also burns you out. Provided you are sticking with the sort of schedule that sees you being productive throughout the morning and afternoon with the evening off, the morning after burning the midnight oil can be extremely challenging. Your levels of energy might be lower than normal. Some people are more irritable. Others will be much less productive, in opposition to the productivity that came about in the dead of night.

I probably shouldn’t speak in sweeping terms about the reactions other people might have. Individuals, after all, react to things in many different ways. Like I said, not everybody follows the same schedule. Third-shifters and folks who pull double shifts burn the midnight oil all the time. I guess what I’m driving at is that disruptions of the schedule by which you usually operate can throw all of your rhythms off.

Writers take a lot of different fuels and convert them into words: caffiene, cheese, positive reviews, sunshine, whiskey, angst, and so on. Midnight oil, while another possible source of fuel, in my experience it doesn’t burn as clean as some of the others. I’m curious as to what others have experienced, however. How often do you burn the midnight oil? What sort of residue does it leave on your systems? Do you enjoy pulling an all-nighter when you need to, or do you dread it?

Flash Fiction: Bart Luther, Freelance Exorcist

February 9, 2015 / / 0 Comments

I’m getting back into the saddle with the Terribleminds Flash Fiction challenge, and doing so has me writing the first 1000 words of a story someone else will finish. Hopefully, someone will find this interesting.

I can’t imagine to understand everything that occurs in my life. I can’t account for everything I’ve seen. At least in terms of science. But those aren’t the circles I’ve traveled in, even after I left the church.

Not that me leaving keeps the church out of my life.

The balding priest sitting across my desk from me kept looking down at his hat, his fingers on the brim, perhaps because instructions were embroidered on it in really tiny letters. I rested my elbows on the desk’s blotter and interlaced my fingers in front of my chin. The clock on my wall ticked away seconds quietly. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked up at me.

“Forgive me, Mister Luther. This is not the sort of thing I am used to discussing.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay, Father O’Donnell. This isn’t the normal thing your parishioners deal with.”

“Ah… yes.” His brow furrowed. “I would appreciate it if you did not mention I brought this to you.”

“Right. Because the church would not want to admit that things like this actually exist.”

O’Donnell shifted uncomfortably in the chair. I kept myself from shaking my head or making a retching noise. Instead, I took a deep breath.

“Why don’t you tell me about the problem?”

“The problem is Samantha. She’s the daughter of one of our parishioners. She’s sixteen years old.”

I lowered my hands to reach for my notebook and a pen. “Possessed?”

“I’m not sure.”

I stopped writing. “You’re… not sure? Is it possible she just has a fever or something?”

O’Donnell shook his head. “She is speaking in tongues. Being… abrasive with her parents, when she never has before. She refers to things she could not possibly know. We cannot think of another way to explain it.”

“And how are you keeping the family from telling everybody in the neighborhood their daughter is possessed by a demon?”

“Her father told me of the trouble in confession. I reminded him that what he told me there remained between us, and that his wife and household were also bound by that stricture.”

I chuckled. “No wonder the girl was open to possession. It’s clear her old man isn’t very bright.”

O’Donnell glared at me. “I don’t think I appreciate your tone, Mister Luther.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard that.”

“We don’t have time for this.”

I looked up from my notes. “If you don’t like how I do things, Father, the door is behind you. Best of luck finding another freelance exorcist in the phone book.”

“But you are not listed in the phone book, Mister Luther. The church office has your card on file.”

Some priests, like most nuns, have no sense of humor. “My point is, I am your only option, unless you want to dust off your older texts, launder a fresh collar, and do this yourself.”

“I have no experience with such things. You have a great deal. Which is why you charge such exorbitant amounts of money for your… freelance exorcism services.”

“I also ghost-write inspirational books for churches like yours to sell in their gift shops!” I gave Father O’Donnell my best, cheesiest smile. He glared at me.

“Please. Mister Luther.” He paused. “Bartholomew. She needs your help.”

I sighed. “You don’t have to use the girl to get me to help you, Mike. I’m going to do it.”

“You had your reasons for leaving the church, I know, and…”

“Mike, come on, it’s okay. I’m sorry I was so hard on you. You can relax.”

The priest clutched his hat and let out a long breath. “It has been a hard time for me. I christened Samantha. Her confirmation is in two weeks. Or, at least, it should be.”

That got a smile. “Do you know I still have my confirmation bible?”

The priest started smiling, too. “Still sentimental after all these years, my son? That’s a promising sign.”

“You know I’m not coming back to the church, right?”

“I’m not sure why you left the priesthood in the first place…”

“I didn’t like the view from the inside.” I picked up my valise, opening it to check the inventory. “I still pray every day, Mike, and I do what I can to do right by Christ and my neighbors. But between bilking innocent, gullible people for cash and all of the shady crap the Vatican’s been responsible for over the years…”

Father O’Donnell held up his hands in surrender. “I do not agree with your reasoning, Bartholomew. But I’m heartened to know you’re still serving the Lord.”

I shook my head. “However you see it. Now, what else can you tell me about Samantha?”

Father O’Donnell told me where Samantha and her family lived, the sort of things she’d been saying, and I wrote all of it down. I made a fresh batch of coffee, poured some into a paper cup for Mike with a lid, and handed it to the priest before he left. I returned to my desk and sat.

An actual exorcism. From everything Mike had told me, Samantha was now renting out her head to one of the more nasty denizens of Dis. I dug out one of my source journals and looked through my notes. I had it narrowed down to a few possibilities, but I would need more information before I knew for sure. I closed up my journals and notebook, dropping them in the valise on top of the vials of holy water and my blessed crucifix.

I needed to get myself to Samantha’s family’s house to try and save her. But I also needed to make sure I had all the help I could manage. If I was right, I wasn’t the only one in danger.

So, taking a deep breath, I reached for my phone and started to dial her number.

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