Netflix – Page 21 – Blue Ink Alchemy

Tag: Netflix (page 21 of 24)

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Seige Tale

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The more new movies come out, the more it seems that Hollywood is almost completely out of original ideas. Even James Cameron’s Avatar is only slightly original, as we’ve had the “humans are assholes invading peaceful aliens” plot as recently as earlier this year with Battle for Terra. And then there’s the news that they’re planning to make the board game Battleship – Battleship – into a feature film. If you want an example as to why this is a bad idea, why you shouldn’t take something with no plot and very straightforward gameplay into the realm of cinema, look no further than In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. The film features Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, Claire Forlani, Kristanna Loken, Matthew Lillard, Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds.

With a badass like Jason Statham, a fantasy veteran in John Rhys-Davies and the years of experience under the ever-expanding belt of Burt Reynolds, there should be something here to save this film. But alas, all of this talent from the four corners of the globe is under the direction of Uwe Boll. Before this, Dr. Boll directed House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Alone in the Dark II, BloodRayne and BloodRayne II: Deliverance. He had established a track record of taking video games and turning them into bad movies. With Dungeon Siege, he’d gotten his grubby hands on what is essentially a clone of Diablo stripped of the well-written plot and composed entirely of repetitive hack-and-slash gameplay. There aren’t that many dungeons in the game, and nothing resembling a siege, which makes the title a little bewildering. So instead of making a movie out of a video game with a hackneyed or paper-thin plot, he’s made a movie out of a video game with no plot whatsoever.

Anyway, Jason Statham plays a farmer named… well, Farmer. The names in the movie are awfully creative, as you can tell. His village is attacked by nightmarish creatures called the Krug. Elsewhere, the King (Burt Reynolds) is dealing with an uppity and annoying nephew (Matthew Lillard) who is in cahoots with an evil magic-user (Ray Liotta) who is – get this – responsible for the Krug attacks on the populace! It’s a SHOCKING twist!

Okay, the only thing that’s really shocking about this film is how awful it is. I went into it knowing it’s an Uwe Boll film, the same way I went into Revenge of the Fallen knowing it was a Michael Bay film. But even knowing that, overall, I liked that film. Yes, there was gratuitous fan service with the heaving bodies of svelte slender women, even more gratuitous explosions and characterizations that didn’t make much sense in light of the previous canon of Transformers. On the other hand, the action does work on some levels, some of the jokes did make me laugh and the visual effects are impressive enough to smooth over some of the rough patches. While that movie’s blown out of the water by District 9, it isn’t a total failure.

This film is a total failure. The story is cribbed almost entirely from margin notes of old D&D adventures from somebody’s high school campaign. As a matter of fact, I think the idea of the evil wizard projecting himself into a suit of armor to act all macho is something I came up with – when I was TWELVE. Seriously, did the screen writing team employed by Dr. Boll need to put this stuff down on paper protected by plastic so they wouldn’t constantly get Cheetos stains on the script? It’s predictable and bland – kind of like a packet of unflavored oatmeal. It’s also hackneyed. It makes some of the more dreadful episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise look like they were written by Ronald D. Moore.

And then there’s the direction. Now, Dr. Boll isn’t going to care about what I’m going to say. He finances his own projects and regularly tells people like me to fuck off. After all, opinions are like assholes – everybody has one, and they all stink. Regardless, I feel justified in saying that, in my opinion, Dr. Boll couldn’t direct kittens to scratch a piece of furniture. He has no idea of how to frame shots, show compelling action or underscore dramatic tension. In this film, the shots cut at odd times, the action is so disorganized that the combat in Revenge of the Fallen seems like the scripted but clear engagements of the WWE by comparison and you cannot get dramatic tension out of actors when you’ve injected them with tree sap. By that, I mean the acting is wooden. It’s so wooden I could take these people into a workshop and emerge with a dining room set complete with end tables and a china cabinet.

Each of these sins drives the film deeper into the depths of failure. But there’s something that causes it to sprout a drill bit the size of a dinner plate and bore a hole even deeper beneath the basement to place it at a new low. You see, In The Name Of The King came out in the wake of the Lord of the Rings films. Apparently unsatisfied with video game trappings and D&D notes that smell like an adolescent boy’s sock drawer, Dr. Boll thought it was an absolutely brilliant idea to make sure we had sylvan elves, orc-like enemies, powerful wizards and John Rhys-Davies to tap into that market. Now, tapping into an established market isn’t necessarily a bad idea, but you do it by extracting some of the good bits with a fine syringe, and injecting it into your work in a subtle fashion, and smooth it over with original ideas so you avoid being derivative. Dr. Boll taps into Tolkien’s work with a God-damn shovel, burying any enthusiasm we might have had and making anything intended to be dramatic or awesome turn out comical. And it’d be comical in a good way, even campy in the way of Flash Gordon, but this movie drags on. And on. And on. For two and a half hours, Dr. Boll assaults our vision, our hearing, our intelligence and our good sense without a hint of irony or tongue-in-cheek execution. Everything is to be taken completely seriously, like this is some sort of fantasy epic that Peter Jackson needed three movies to tell properly.

Dr. Boll, you are not Peter Jackson. You’re not Michael Jackson. You’re not even Andrew Jackson or Latoya Jackson. You, sir, are an asshole. And In The Name Of The King is the biggest, smelliest, most disgusting steaming crappile you have ever produced. I may never have the money to finance my own films, snort drugs off the body of a prostitute or even have the security to tell Internet critics they’re full of shit – which, in this case, is the pot calling the kettle a turd. If this is what it takes to have those things, I’m better off without them. And if you have all the money and power you contend, Dr. Boll, I want just one thing from you.

That two and a half hours I spent watching this shit? I want those back.

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Valkyrie

December 4, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 1 Comment

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Historical thrillers work if the story, acting and direction can draw you into their world and make you forget about the fact you know how the story’s going to end. Titanic, for me, fails because I kept waiting for the boat to hit the iceberg and sink. Oh – sorry, spoiler warning there. Anyway, the effective historical films I hold up as examples of working well include Changeling and The Last Samurai, and now I’d like to add Valkyrie to that list. The film stars Tom Cruise, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Terrance Stamp, Tom Wilkinson, Thomas Kretschmann and Eddie Izzard.

Valkyrie is the story of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg and the role he played in the plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler, which took place on 20 July 1944. A war veteran wounded and somewhat mangled in action, Stauffenberg became embittered with the war and the motivation behind it. Contacted by the resistance movement within the Wehrmacht, Stauffenberg becomes one of the key figures in the assassination plot. The conspirators believe that Hitler’s Germany is not the Germany of their fathers, nor is it one they wish to see continue, a sentiment which Stauffenberg shares. He helps in planning the assassination, delivers the explosive device to the meeting with Hitler and his aides and coordinates the resulting coup effort. If you’re at all familiar with history, I think you know how it turns out.

Despite our foreknowledge of how this story ends, Valkyrie is still well presented and provides dramatic tension while fleshing out these historical figures who might otherwise be static images and two-dimensional accounts of their actions. This is due in no small part to director Brian Singer. The man who brought us The Usual Suspects again juggles a talented ensemble cast with great success, employing their skills to slowly build the tension before unleashing it on the audience with an almost blinding fury.

Normally this would be where I rag on Tom Cruise. However, like his performance in The Last Samurai, his personality and the drama surrounding him takes a back seat to the storytelling. Instead of dominating the picture simply by being Tom Cruise, he immerses himself in the role, the time period and the subject matter, which is dark and heroic at the same time. Moments and lines that could easily be blown out of proportion by another actor are handled with aplomb, and I don’t recall Cruise chewing on the scenery once.

What stands out in Valkyrie, in addition to the ensemble storytelling and Cruise’s grounded performance, is Hitler. The images and videos we tend to see is of a ranting madman. We know, in our minds, the atrocities he inflicted upon the world and to millions of innocent people. However, in this film, Hitler neither launches into bombastic diatribes nor cackles with delight at the slaughter of his enemies. Here, in pacing around a planning table or holding discussions with those few men he trusted, Hitler is quiet, seeming to choose his words carefully and evaluating the worth of human beings as if he was sizing up a pair of new shoes. His restraint and stature make him seem all the more menacing. It completes the package of the film, and contributes to its overall success.

If you have any interest in the second World War, the idea of Germans within the Nazi party fighting against the perceived desecration of their country or some extremely good portrayals of historical figures, Valkyrie belongs on your Netflix queue. It’s a powerful story, well-acted and told without much hyperbole. It’s a story for our time and it’s well worth yours.

Oh, and additional spoiler warning: if you’re not a fan of Tom Cruise, you get to see him blown up, strafed, nearly blown up again, wounded in a gunfight and finally executed by firing squad. That alone might be worth the price of admission.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Up

November 27, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 2 Comments

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With it’s bright colors, animal characters and a co-protagonist nowhere near puberty, it would be easy to dismiss Up as a kid’s movie. And while there are things in the film that kids will like and cause them to want to watch the movie repeatedly, there are themes, characterizations and nuances that will fly right over the heads of children and smack the adults right in the heart. Up demonstrates that the gifted film-makers at Pixar share something with Peter Jackson besides excellent production values and directorial savvy: They have never made a bad movie. The film features the voices of Ed Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagal, Bob Peterson, Delroy Lindo, Elie Doctor and John Ratzenberger.

The opening act of the film tells us the story of Carl & Ellie Fredricksen and, like WALL-E, is almost devoid of dialog. It’s easy to forget that these characters were generated using computers. Their expressions and actions, underscored by Michael Giacchino’s brilliant music, yank us body and soul into the experience. The end result of this unforgettable piece of storytelling has us thoroughly understanding Carl’s bitterness in the wake of Ellie’s death, and shows the house in which he’s lived his entire adult life about to be consumed by corporate construction that surrounds him like Germans surrounding the Allies at Bastogne.

A young Wilderness Explorer named Russell comes knocking on Carl’s door. He needs his ‘assisting the elderly’ badge but Carl stubbornly refuses to be assisted, instead sending Russell on a snipe hunt. It seems that the men in suits building soulless skyscrapers are about to cart Carl away, but Carl sends his “NUTS!” missive and unleashes his plan, in the form of tens of thousands of balloons that carry him and his house away from the city and towards an adventure he and his wife always sought. Just when he thinks he’s free, however, he finds Russell on his porch, and the resulting story of their journey involves the best interaction between a crotchety old man and a boy coming of age since Gran Turino.

I haven’t even talked about the mad adventurer from Carl’s childhood, the intelligent and mischievous bird I call a snipe for lack of a better term – her name is Kevin – and the sheer awesomeness of Dug. But these things are best experienced rather than discussed. Like most Pixar films, high adventure and nail-biting action are delivered at the same time as powerful storytelling and in-depth character exploration, all wrapped up in that polished, animated package that has become the hallmark of their work. While other studios employ young, handsome and butch actors to headline their big action blockbusters, Pixar continues to buck the trend and go against the grain in a brilliant fashion. Carl Fredericksen joins WALL-E, Marlin the clown fish, Sully & Mike and Buzz & Woody in the veritable pantheon of Pixar’s unlikely but unforgettable heroes. Even Mister Incredible, himself a super-hero, is surprising in the way he transcends standard comic book fare to become truly heroic when he resolves to protect his family both from outside evil and the tension threatening to tear it apart. I’m wandering a bit away from Up, I know, but there is a pattern here. And it’s a pattern of greatness.

I honestly wasn’t expecting WALL-E to be topped so quickly and in such an incredible fashion. Don’t get me wrong: I still love WALL-E, from its science-fiction motif to its social commentary to its touching love story – between robots. But Up captures a pioneering sense of adventure along with demonstrating again the sheer power of the human spirit. Carl Fredricksen, a 79-year-old man, becomes slowly less tethered to the trappings of age as the story progresses. He demonstrates cleverness, a weathered but unbeatable sense of humor and that deep-seated desire never to give up on his dreams. As myopic he might seem at some points, the difference between him and his childhood idol becomes quite clear in short order. Russell could simply exist as a caricature of annoying adolescence, but he shows a surprising depth all his own, and his spirit is a lot like Carl’s in its unwillingness to be stifled or ignored. A lot of the tension between the two comes from having positive but differing goals to which each is equally committed.

Up juxtaposes real comedy with endearing character study the way District 9 juxtaposes blazing sci-fi action with gripping social commentary. Better writing and direction is very difficult to find. I could go on gushing about Up, but suffice it to say it should be on your Netflix queue already, if you don’t own a copy of the film yourself. It is absolutely fantastic. Up is not just a lot of fun and emotionally touching – it’s superlative storytelling and one of the best films of the year.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Push

November 20, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 2 Comments

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Push came out in the midst of the resurgence of the super-hero film. After the success of X-Men and Spider-Man, and the advent of Heroes on television, there have been super-hero stories both good and bad brought to the big screen. Comparisons between Push and, say, Iron Man are pretty much inevitable. While it doesn’t quite reach those heights, it doesn’t hit the nadir of X-Men Origins: Wolverine either. The film stars Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis, Ming-Na and Djimon Hounsou.

Back in the 1940s, some brilliant and somewhat crazy Germans thought it would be a swell idea to genetically enhance the psychic potential of human subjects in order to weaponize their abilities. After the war, the research continued and was taken over by a mysterious paragovernmental group called the Division. Nick Gant (Chris Evans) is the son of one of their more successful subjects, a Mover. The psychics have rather descriptive titles: Movers are telekinetics, Watchers see possible futures, Shifters cast illusions, Bleeders make you bleed by screaming at you and Pushers literally push their way into your mind, making you think whatever they want you to think and making lies as real as the truth. The list goes on, but that covers most of the major ones. Anyway, Division has had one of its subjects go rogue with a syringe full of a MacGuffin serum and Nick is key to it’s recovery – but since Division gunned down his dad before his eyes, Nick’s not exactly in a helpful mood.

Like most movies I enjoy watching end to end without wanting to wander back onto the Internet, Push has something of a brain in its head. It doesn’t try to impress us with special effects that are overly flashy or out of this world. Despite characters moving massive objects and deflecting bullets with their minds, outfoxing each other’s visions and yelling more than a given character in Dragonball Z, their powers are actually somewhat grounded in reality. This means the audience spends less time suspending their disbelief and are more focused on who these people are and how defined they become by their powers. Naturally, this grounding of the movie leads some people to call Push boring. This being the Internet, those people are entitled to their opinion, just as I am entitled to the opinion that they’re morons.

Dakota Fanning as Cassie the Watcher shows us she’s more than capable of handling a role that involves more than staring at something constructed of CGI and wibbling in prelude to a scream. Cassie’s a jaded, street-smart adolescent whose entire life has been shackled to her ability. Hook, Cliff Curtis’ character, is on the other end of things, using his Shifting to make his life more comfortable and filled with fine wine and beautiful women. Nick’s in the middle, trying to use his telekinesis as an edge in life but trying not to let it be the be-all end-all of his existence. All in all, most of the characters we meet show at least some depth, and their conversations never feel too stilted or flimsy.

But there is a lot of talking in what is probably meant to be a ground-breaking action sci-fi thriller. Push keeps a lot of balls in the air, and it stumbles here and there keeping everything going, which again might lead to idiots in the audience dozing off because the flick’s not violent enough and nobody gets their tits out. To the credit of Push, nothing gets completely dropped and the story never grinds to a complete halt. When Nick develops his idea to fool the Watcher who always seems to be one step ahead of even the prodigious abilities of Cassie, the knowledge we have of his plan keeps us interested until the end. There are lulls here and there as exposition is covered or Djimon Hounsou’s cold and calculating Carver plays mind games with Nick without having to Push the young man at all. There’s a lot of conversation that goes on with one of our heroes holding a gun on the head of someone else, and the action itself is somewhat sparse. You don’t have any of the truly jaw-dropping visuals or white-knuckle moments of other films of this type, but unless you’re popping Ritalin or you’re coming off of a five-hour Halo or Gears of War marathon, you’re not completely bored either.

Push isn’t an award-winning film, but it balances a few good elements with weaknesses that would drag down other stories. The premise isn’t exploring any new territory but it’s executed in a clean, straight-forward and realistic manner that helps it feel fresh. The characters don’t experience huge changes in motivation or show any major growth, but they have enough depth to be interesting and grow just enough to show a little humanity. The powers on display aren’t out to blow our minds in the way of Spider-Man or Hellboy but the Hong Kong setting has enough unique visuals for us Western viewers that over-the-top super-powers aren’t necessary. All in all, it’s like a very good episode of Heroes extended to almost two hours, for better or worse. It’s not a timeless classic or superlative cinema, but after you’ve watched Push, you shouldn’t feel like you’ve wasted your time. It’s not a perfect movie, and the flaws might be too glaring for some people to overcome. However, if you like decent action, supernatural aspects grounded in reality and thirteen year old girls with a streetwise attitude giving advice to cynical adults twice their age, Push is time well spent. I enjoyed it, and if you can forgive some of its flaws and get into its mythology without needing to see people popping adamantium claws or setting folks on fire, you might too.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Rise: Blood Hunter

November 13, 2009 / BlueInkAlchemist / 4 Comments

(special request by Monica Flink. Thanks for your support!)

[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/rise.mp3]

Vampires killing vampires really isn’t anything new. It’s ground that’s been trod pretty heavily. But while Blade focuses on gadgetry and the badassness of Wesley Snipes, and Underworld deals with the world of normal people as little as possible, Rise: Blood Hunter tells a tight, character-focused tale about a vampire killing other vampires and, all in all, does it pretty well. The film stars Lucy Liu, Michael Chiklis, James, D’Arcy, Carla Gugino, Mako and Marilyn Manson.

Lucy Liu plays Sadie Blake, a reporter covering a trend in the goth music & “sludge rock” scenes of people throwing over-the-top parties involving blood-drinking. One of her sources, Sadie Rawlins, ends up dead after one of these parties and her father, a cop (Michael Chiklis), becomes driven to uncover the truth behind the murder. Meanwhile, Sadie investigates and catches the attention of the vampires who are using the parties as a smokescreen for their feeding. They interrogate her, then rape and murder her. However, she wakes up in the morgue to discover that not only isn’t she dead, she can’t die by normal means – she throws herself into traffic to find that one out. She’s taken in by a benevolent, renegade vampire who trains her to fight in order to seek vengeance for herself. In the course of her roaring rampage, she encounters Rawlins, and after some tense arguments, they agree to help each other in finishing off the blood-suckers.

While the movie focuses more on characters than cool powers or gizmos, it should be mentioned that the characters are somewhat one-note. With the exception of Lucy Liu, the characters don’t grow or develop much over the course of the film. The cop’s driven, tough as nails and busted up over his daughter. The lead vampire’s an arrogant sex-driven jerk. The rest of the cast doesn’t get a lot of screen-time in which to develop. Carla Gugino’s Eve had potential to be interesting but she is killed off rather arbitrarily. On the one hand, I wanted to see more of her character (and not just because of her lesbian scenes with Lucy Liu), but on the other I believe this was a decision made to show the myopic drive of Lucy’s character and to keep the story moving without weighing it down with a lot of extra characters.

The story does amble along at an admirable pace. Despite it’s brisk clip, however, it doesn’t really go anywhere. The revenge plot isn’t overly complicated, be it dressed in the black skull-bearing gunplay of The Punisher or the sword and sandals epicness of Gladiator. Rise pretty much just gives the plot fangs and sends it on its way. While it’s nice to see a story that isn’t bogged down with glitzy CGI or over-complicated gizmos, the simplicity of the plot doesn’t really make it, or the characters who are a part of it, anything terribly interesting.

There’s one big hole in the plot that I’d be remiss in ignoring. When Sadie’s murdered, she’s left alone in the morgue to fend for herself. We learn later that her becoming a vampire was Eve’s doing. Now, most vampire stories & societies with which I’m familiar have the vampire responsible for the creation present with their offspring to guide them through the transition from breathing & mortal to dead but immortal, which is pretty jarring to say the least. This would especially apply if Eve was fed up with the preening self-centered prick who’d put Sadie in this position in the first place, and wanted to mentor Sadie into becoming the hunter. Instead, Sadie is left to wander around on her own and eventually just kills everybody she meets. Her mentor’s a relatively insignificant character in the grand scheme of things and is given all the development of a Polaroid shaken like a can of spray paint. While having Sadie spend time in the morgue so her family knows she’s dead is an effective tool in her transition, Eve would have made a much more interesting voice of guidance, especially in light of her conversation with Sadie after Sadie becomes a vampire. But, alas, I don’t write screenplays.

Despite these problems, Rise: Blood Hunter is still a solid story, if somewhat straightforward and simplistic. Lucy Liu does a good job of carrying the story, conveying what pathos she can in a few scant scenes that aren’t “Sadie shows up, kills a vampire & leaves,” and she and Chiklis have pretty good chemistry in the handful of scenes they share – although I for one was just waiting for Chiklis to have an excuse to tell us when it was clobberin’ time. The atmosphere is good, the action is grounded and the overall experience, while not setting the world on fire, does its job without overstaying its welcome. If you’re a fan of vampires, revenge plots or Lucy Liu kicking ass, you could do worse than Rise: Blood Hunter.

Did I mention the Carla Gugino/Lucy Liu lesbian scene? I think I did.

Tag: Netflix (page 21 of 24)

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Seige Tale

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Valkyrie

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Up

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Push

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Rise: Blood Hunter

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