Reviews – Page 5 – Blue Ink Alchemy

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Book Review: Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey

I’m sure you’re familiar with treasure maps. They lay out the land for you. They show you a path to some sort of prize. They’ll tell you what dangers you will face. What they don’t tell you is what the treasure will actually be, or how valuable it will be to you.

Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey is like that. Just imagine the treasure map is smelling faintly of booze, covered with profanity scrawled in Crayon and smeared with… …well, it’s smeared.

Kidding aside, it’s a valuable resource if you’re a writer or aspiring writer of any kind. Novelist? Magazine writer? Game developer? Postcard scribe? Coffee mug actualizer? Executive Vice President of Placemats? There’s something for you in this book.

(I said kidding aside, didn’t I? Dammit.)

Admittedly, the writing and advice of Chuck Wendig is infectious. This is a book that will make you laugh, make you think and make you question your own sanity. You’ll wonder if Chuck somehow crawled inside your head while he was writing Cannes-worthy screenplays and juggling his freelance gigs with the new baby his intrepid wife just had. Because a lot of his experiences feel like they are talking to or about you, personally.

At least, they do to me. So maybe I’m the crazy one. I’m sure some doctors would back that one up.

I could go through article by article, post by post, and tell you exactly what is in Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey. But doing so would cheapen the experience. The journey laid out in its pages, a trail blazed in the posts of his terribleminds blog and bounced off of the rubbery brains of his peers, is one that should be taken (if possible) without preamble, explanation or tutorial save for the following: Get in, sit down, shut the fuck up and hang the fuck on. The book includes more notes on his thoughts, expansions and even reversals of his opinions, frank questions posed to the author and plenty of Chuck’s signature style. It will brighten some days, and others may quickly tire of it. Your mileage may vary, but the advice and anecdotes are more than the sum of their stylistic parts and worthy reading for any would-be author. It’s just hard to say how much each bit will help said would-be author, which again falls into that whole variable mileage thing.

The mind of a writer is a dark, confusing and occasionally frightening place. Chuck wades in with a knife between his teeth, a shotgun in one hand and a bottle of gin in the other. The path a writer must take to publication is fraught with danger and pitfalls. Chuck shows you how to sidestep the pits and tell the danger to fuck off home. The excuses of a writer that keeps them from writing are many and varied. Chuck demonstrates the proper technique in beating the shit out of those excuses with that bottle after you’ve drained it of its biting but somehow soothing contents.

Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey is the writer’s life in microcosm. The insanity, the drive, the laughter and tears, the deepest valleys and the dizzying heights – Chuck Wendig covers it all and somehow emerges on the other side with a smile on his bearded face. If you have the wherewithal to pick out the gems that are missing from your experience, you can do the same. Hell, you might even grow a beard of your own while reading it, and for you lady writers, I apologize on Chuck’s behalf if you weren’t planning on growing one.

If you’re a writer, thinking of being a writer or wondering exactly why that writer you know is chained up in the corner frothing at the mouth and grumbling to himself about unicorn semen and candy-apple witch tits, you should already own Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey. It’s a collection of advice, anecdotes and cautionary tales bound together by a love of the written word and the power of good booze.

Get it, and if you do so in actual print as opposed to some sort of electronic hoojeywhatsis, put it on the writing shelf next to Elements of Style. And let me know how that goes. I’m pretty sure Chuck can take those Strunk and White dudes in a fight.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Last Action Hero

May 27, 2011 / BlueInkAlchemist / 0 Comments

[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/slater.mp3]

The fourth wall is a long-standing term for the concept of separation between an on-screen performance and its audience. Most straight productions act as if the fourth wall is a concrete barrier, entirely encapsulating the fictional world within. Comedies, especially parodies and spoofs, tend to treat the fourth wall with as much irreverence as anything else. They can paint it, lean against it or ignore it entirely. 1993’s Last Action Hero is one of the few films that bodily throws a guy through the fourth wall.

Even the posters are hilarious in retrospect.

Arnold Schwartzenegger is Jack Slater, a supercop best described as the illegitimate love child of John McClain and Dutch from Predator. He blows up Los Angeles on a regular basis, chases goons into spectacular gun fights and explosions, and messing with his family is, as he tends to say often, a big mistake. Jack Slater is the hero of young movie buff Danny Madigan, who cuts class and stays out late just to watch Jack Slater do what he does best. His favorite theater is shutting down and, as a last quiet hurrah, the aging projectionist offers to show Danny the new Jack Slater film (brilliantly titled Jack Slater IV) before anybody else gets to see it. He also gives Danny a golden ticket, a gift from Harry Houdini, which happens to possess magic powers in the presence of cinema. Next thing Danny knows, he’s in the back of Jack Slater’s car during the action movie’s first major chase scene. Nobody’s more surprised than Danny, except maybe Jack.

Last Action Hero is perhaps one of the most thorough deconstructions of the action movie genre I’ve ever seen. When Danny is in Jack Slater IV, he’s very quick to point out tropes and plot points to the point that he quickly goes from endearing to irritating. He’s not a dumb kid, though, so he does mellow out as the story goes on, much to Jack’s relief. Jack, on the other hand, spends most of the second act denying that he’s a fictional character until circumstances catapult him back into the real world with Danny. So while the second act is a deconstruction of the genre, the third is a deconstruction of the hero, as well as an exploration of a concept that the world is myth.

Is he taking aim at the goons, or the writers?

If all stories do in fact exist in some form, that would mean that someone is writing your story, right now. What would you say to them, if you could? Last Action Hero addresses that question, as well as what might go on inside the mind of your stereotypical action superstar between the gunplay and cheesy one-liners. While nobody was going to win Oscars for what’s going on here, the writers do give Jack a surprising amount of humanity and depth, considering how most of the movie’s a light-hearted action romp, while the villain Benedict has a chillingly gleeful revelation when he, like Jack and Danny, cross over from the world of their movie to the world of the movie we’re watching. It’s a world much closer to our own, where cars don’t explode when you shoot them, it hurts to punch things, and bad guys win all the time.

The sudden change in mood between the nature of Jack’s adventures and his experiences in the ‘real’ world might put off some viewers expecting a straight-forward action comedy. There are also some rough spots in the execution, a couple of jokes that might be more ridiculous than necessary and some problems with overall tone. It’s hard to tell in places if Last Action Hero is simply being tongue in cheek about things or wants to be downright cheeky about the action movie roots of its star and director. After all, Arnold was best known for his big, loud, ultra-macho action movies. John McTiernan was also known for the big, loud, ultra-macho Die Hard. I think that, in 1993, these two coming together to do a big, loud, ultra-macho genre deconstruction took a lot of folks by surprise.

Honestly, he’s probably my favorite kind of villain.

There’s also the fact that it opened the same year as movie juggernaut Jurassic Park. Be it due to box office receipts, actor confusion or critics blasting the movie for some decisions in execution and its necessary contrivances, Last Action Hero was not seen as a great success. In fact, many feel this was the movie that was the start of a downward spiral for Arnold, the following year’s True Lies being a notable exception. His puns and general beefiness would draw him into movies far worse than this one and ultimately he ended up in politics. And yet there’s a measure of self-awareness that some might miss. In what might have been intended as a throw-away gag, Jack Slater comes face to face with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the character tells the actor “You’ve brought me nothing but pain.” He echoes the sentiment of future movie-goers and some of the population of California in 2011.

Despite its box office performance, Last Action Hero holds up better than some of its contemporaries. The fact that some of the tropes played with, averted, invoked and downright torn to shreds here are still alive and well in action movies today underscores the laziness inherent in relying upon such conventions. Had it been a straightforward action comedy, it likely would be unmemorable and boring. Framed as it is and leading into its crucial third act, it instead defies typical classification and exists as a rare specimen that’s fascinating and strange. It stumbles in a couple of places and it’s never certain if McTiernan and the writers really love the action movie genre or want to rip it to shreds out of spite, but it’s a fun movie with some really interesting concepts at work. Fans of deconstructionist work, TV Tropes or actors having a laugh at their own expense should check this out on Netflix. As time goes on, and more ridiculous action movies come out while their stars become imitations of themselves, Last Action Hero will, I feel, continue to age with grace. Like a fine wine. Full of explosions.

“Have a nice day.”

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! True Lies

May 20, 2011 / BlueInkAlchemist / 0 Comments

{No audio this week. Having a job in a start-up is interfering with my Internet fame. Go figure.}

The 90s were an interesting time. All sorts of cool things musically were happening in Seattle garages, the United States was emerging as the victor of the Cold War and getting a little blitzed on its own hype as the process, and movie audiences were moving away from the testosterone-fueled somewhat brainless action flicks of the 80s. Sure, years later such movies would be viewed with a kind of smirking nostalgia for their naked machismo, but at the time it was clear that writers, directors, actors and audience members wanted to see something a little bit different up on the silver screen. And if True Lies is nothing else, it’s certainly quite a bit different, for an Arnold Schwartzenegger movie.

Harry Tasker is what can only be described as a superspy. He’s a highly-trained, very effective operative working for an unofficial branch of the United States government, hunting down bad guys and uncovering clandestine terrorist plots. He is also, however, a family man, masquerading as a traveling computer salesman for the benefit of his wife and young daughter. Since he’s gone so often, however, his wife is beginning to wonder if he’s being unfaithful to her while she herself staves off the advances of a used car salesman. Harry becomes aware of this and must strike a balance between saving the world and saving his marriage.

This being an action comedy, it doesn’t take a psychic to predict that he’s going to find a way to do both. While True Lies isn’t fueled entirely by contrivance, there are parts here and there that seem awfully convenient for the purposes of our plot. More than once circumstances simply fall together in a way that Harry’s always on top of things. This could be explained away as Harry just being that good as his job, considering this is the Terminator we’re talking about, but even with that excuse the story isn’t exactly setting the world on fire.

It’s a good excuse for a badass scene with a Harrier jet, though.

True Lies was directed by James Cameron, the man behind some of the biggest blockbusters of the last few decades, and it might seem odd for the director of high-concept science fiction epics like Terminator 2, The Abyss and Avatar to helm a flick like this. But even directors need to blow off steam from time to time and this feels like Cameron just having fun with one of his exorbidant budgets. It’s possible that he saw the Schwartzenegger action comedy from the previous year, Last Action Hero, and said “You know what? I’m James Cameron. I can make a movie way cooler than this garbage.”

In doing so, he’s created a movie that tends to keep its silliness on the subtle side, rather than the overt genre-savvy deconstruction of Last Action Hero. That movie has a much more interesting concept, but falters in places due to execution. True Lies, on the other hand, keeps its plot and premise simple so Cameron can direct the hell out of it. For all of its insubstantiality, it’s a cleanly shot and polished film, with most of its visuals holding up after over 15 years of life.

How effective can your threats be when your batteries run out?

Speaking of looking good, the principles are well-cast even if they’re not pushing the envelope in terms of edgy roles. Arnold and Jamie Lee Curtis do have a good measure of chemistry between them that makes them a couple the audience will want to see stay together. Eliza Dushku plays their daughter Dana in a somewhat understated role that helped open the door for things like Buffy and Dollhouse, while Tia Carrere smolders as the femme fatale. She splits the fanservice duties with Jamie Lee in ways that make themselves apparent with the most cursory Google search. The bit players and bad guys, too, bring just enough weight and dimension to their roles while making it clear that we’re pretty much here for a good time and nothing else. We have some sleazy fun from Bill Paxton as the car salesman, a quick cameo from Charlton Heston and…

well, Tom Arnold’s in this, too. He’s not bad, per se, but some of his motor-mouthed antics can wear out their welcome rather quickly. For every moment we have of him being Harry’s partner and best friend, we have one where he’s throwing his comedic weight around a bit too much. Seeing the natural way Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Paxton illicit laughs from their scenes while Tom relies on verbal diarreha gives the impression that our large friend is trying too hard.

Shut up, Tom. JUST. SHUT. UP.

There are some really neat action sequences in True Lies that ensure the movie is entertaining, if not necessarily fantastic cinema. In the end, it’s a bit like a hamburger from Wendy’s. The meat is of higher quality than some others and you definitely feel like you get your money’s worth, but it’s still not all that good for you. James Cameron at the helm of an action comedy that plays most of its potential moments for satire completely straight would be a bit like Christopher Nolan directing the Marx Brothers. It’s an interesting experiment that looks fine and works fine, but there’s just something off about the whole thing that waters down the overall enjoyment. Of course, if you’re not looking for anything other than basic entertainment to go with a rainy day and a bowl of popcorn, True Lies is a decent choice available on Netflix Instant. Like the rhetoic of certain pundits and religious figures, it tends to be funny in spite of its more serious moments, and the less you think about it, the better it is.

Movie Review: Thor

May 17, 2011 / BlueInkAlchemist / 0 Comments

Marvel’s been rolling the dice quite a bit lately. First in introducing characters to one of their more obscure heroes (Iron Man), then in beginning to weave disparate movie franchises together into a single coherent and shared narrative, and now in putting their extremely loose interpretation of Norse myth on the big screen. The law of averages says that sooner or later, their dice are going to come up bad and the whole project’s going to suffer for it. Thor, however, is not their deadly dice roll. Either Marvel’s just having really good luck, or their freaking dice are loaded.

In the Marvel Universe, Asgard and its inhabitants did and still do exist. They are the pinnacle of the Nine Realms connected by the branches of Yggdrasil, the World Tree, and in the past those worlds have come into conflict, most notably Asgard with Jotunheim, the land of the frost giants. When a few of those giants break into the treasure vault of the Asgardian king Odin, his headstrong and short-sighted son Thor takes the fight right back to Jotunheim. With war suddenly on the horizon and his rule defied, Odin strips Thor of his weapon and powers, banishing him to Midgard, or as we know it, Earth. He’s discovered by an astro-physicist who witnessed the Bifrost (to her, it’s an Einstein-Rosen bridge) and is curious of his origins, while Thor only wants one thing: to get his hammer back.

The plot of the movie really isn’t all that complex. Sure, there has to be some mild suspension of disbelief when you see heroes of Norse legend riding to battle on horseback across a bridge of rainbows, but the movie allows for this disbelief. Thor upon reaching Earth acts like a crazy person, apparently suffering from delusions, and is treated accordingly. While every word he says is true, to us it sounds impossible. Yet Jane (the astro-physicist) knows that we have achieved through science what many would have considered impossible just a few decades ago, and her mind is open to the possibilities. Or maybe she’s just smitten with the guy.

The film is adeptly well-cast and extremely well-directed. Chris Hemsworth completely owns his role, delivering his lines with such earnestness and gravitas that he actually does stand toe to toe with a heavyweight like Sir Anthony Hopkins. Tom Hiddleston makes for a fantastic Loki, here the little brother of Thor filled with ambition and schemes within schemes. Natalie Portman is a refreshingly simple character, smart and straightforward in her beliefs while being nerdy and introverted enough that it’s clear why she’s swept off of her feet by this towering, sincere and charming Asgardian who’s literally been dropped into her lap. All of them are under the direction of Kenneth Branagh, who might be best known for his interpretations of Shakespeare but pulls off this depiction of ancient gods doing battle with incredible monsters like it’s no big deal.

While the Arthurian and almost fairy-tale like aspects of the plot play like out in a simple way, almost child-like in their straightforwardness, there are bits here and there that show that Marvel is growing up. The integration of things like SHIELD, other Marvel characters and bits from elsewhere in the shared universe are far more subtle than they were in Iron Man 2, a couple of moments being so fast you’ll miss them if you blink. A lot has also been said on the casting of Idris Elba as Heimdall, and I had to sit back and smile whenever he was on screen because he steals every scene he’s in (take that, haters), as does Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson.

It’s not a movie without flaws and I can’t say it’s really for everybody. It’s clearly aimed at a universal audience given its kid-friendly simple plot and grown-up sensibilities in execution, but the interpretation of Norse myths and their integration into what was until now and entirely realistic (if somewhat hypersciency) universe might be too much for some to swallow. I felt like Sif and the Warriors Three could have used a bit more exploration or at least screen-time, as much as I enjoyed their presence. There will be people who split hairs over the relationships between the Asgardians and how things transitioned from the comic books or the sheer improbability of the scientific explanation of the goings-on, and there really isn’t anything people can do about that. In fact, Thor‘s response to such things is, apparently, a shrug of some very broad and heroic shoulders.

This is not Shakespeare or a production of the Der Ring des Nibelungen, it’s cosmic fantasy done with a broad brush in bright, glittering colors. It owes more to the aesthetics and spirit of Flash Gordon and Stargate than it does anything more ‘adult’ or ‘serious’, and its sincerity and simplicity make it almost endearing. I won’t say it’s the best comic book movie ever, but it’s certainly better than most, and fits neatly into the picture Marvel is assembling of The Avengers.

Stuff I Liked: Great stuff with SHIELD. Stellan Skarsgaard as the skeptic and Jane’s father figure. The brilliant visuals of Asgard and its juxtaposition with both Jotunheim and Earth. Sif and the Warriors Three – more Ray Stevenson, please! (Yes, that’s the Punisher as Volstagg the Voluminous)
Stuff I Didn’t Like: Some aspects of the plot and setting – the Odinsleep, for example – go almost entirely unexplained. I guess that’s to be expected in a story this simplistic, but I felt like parts of the story or some helpful bits of knowledge were missing.
Stuff I Loved: Just about everything Thor does when he first arrives on Earth, and Kat Dennings’ reactions to him. The reversal of the girl being nerdy and the guy being hot instead of the other way around. Thor being smart, charming and heroic even when he’s being a selfish douche. Loki. Odin. Little things like Sleipnir and Gungnir. The little Easter Eggs in Odin’s treasure vault.

Bottom Line: If you’re interested in Marvel’s uber-project, heroic fantasy or seeing a guy like Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off, go see Thor. There’s plenty to enjoy and a little something for everybody. If you’re on the fence about it, though, you can probably wait for the DVD. It’s visuals are big and bold but most TV screens are big enough to give you a sense of scope. Unless you have an old CRT model like I do.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Repo! The Genetic Opera

May 13, 2011 / BlueInkAlchemist / 0 Comments

This week’s IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! brought to you by a generous donation from Kimberly Franco. Thank you for your support!

[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/repo!.mp3]

Here we have something of an odd specimen. In most musical productions, the idea is to either use the songs for comedic effect or to underscore the powerful emotions in play during a given scene. While Repo! The Genetic Opera certainly takes its material seriously, there’s also a feeling that it knows how many mainstream audience members will receive it. It’s possible that it will either make the production seem wonderfully self-aware or disappointingly pretentious. The only way to know for sure, in keeping with its theme and mood, is to slice this sexy specimen open and tear its bloody guts out.

It’s the future, and life sucks. Life sucks mostly because there’s been a world-wide epidemic of organ failure caused by industrial waste or some other disaster. As people die in droves, evil corporation GeneCo emerges with a solution: custom-made replacement organs available at reasonable prices to the consumer, and an addictive surgical aid called Zydrate that keeps the organs in your body and you in a pleasant state of mind. Financing is available, but if you can’t make your payments, GeneCo sends a Repo Man to reclaim their property from you. It’s 2062, and GeneCo’s CEO, Rotti Largo, must choose an heir from among his three despicable children while his biggest & baddest Repo Man, Nathan Wallace, tries to protect his sickly daughter Shilo from the dark and dangerous world outside her bedroom window, a world she’s never experienced in all of her seventeen years.

One of the best things the film has going for it is its music. Terrence Zdunich put together most of the songs, and as the Greek Chorus-style narrator known only as Grave-Robber, he lays a lot of convincing passion and tongue-in-cheek fun on us. Anthony Steward Head, Paul Sorvino and the timelessly talented Sarah Brightman do much of the emotional heavy lifting while Bill Moseley, Ogre and a breathy and surprisingly well-voiced Paris Hilton slip in for some comic relief. The star is Alexa Vega, however, who makes her little-girl-growing-up story the central attraction of the affair, outside of all the artful surgery and shameless eye candy.

Yeah… Shilo’s dad ain’t exactly a nice guy.

Coming to us as it does from the hands that helped craft the Saw series, to call Repo! The Genetic Opera ‘gorn’ is a bit of an understatement. And yet, there’s enough visual appeal in both its male and female cast members that the blood & guts never completely derail the goings-on. It juxtaposes undeniable beauty with callous cruelty and sadistic violence. Being disgusting and sexy at the same time isn’t an easy feat, but Repo! somehow manages to pull it off. It’s impressive for that if nothing else.

Repo! also manages to pull off being camp while letting its cast convey some actual emotions. Sure, it’s mostly done in song so it’s melodramatic and over-the-top half the time, but it never strays too far into the completely-serious territory that dooms other would-be camp flicks like Masters of the Universe. However, it also doesn’t have the reckless abandon of campy classics like Flash Gordon. The result is a quasi-serious sometimes-amusing musical gorn flick that plays like the Saw boys putting on a production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

One of the coolest narrators ever.

Speaking of Rocky Horror, Repo! might be that infamous flick’s 21st-century successor. Between the timbre of the music, the presence of underground stars like Terrence & Ogre and the campy, over-the-top nature of the entire production, it should be no wonder that Repo! has gained something of a cult following, complete with showings at local theatres, encouraged audience participation and live emulation of the performances. While it’s preoccupation with gorn and overwhelmingly dark tone didn’t exactly make it a hit with critics or even the major box office, there’s something endearing about it that keeps in the hearts and minds of many die-hard fans.

In other words, Repo! the Genetic Opera is kind of like a stray cat taken in by a friend. Sure, it’s kinda cute and purrs at you appealingly when you show up, but its coat is a little on the mangy side and your friend really needs to get it to a vet. If you’re a cat person, you’re still going to scratch it behind the ears and let it rub up on your leg, and if you’re not you’re going to refuse to step foot in your friend’s place again until they clean the animal. Repo! the Genetic Opera is not for everyone, but its songs can worm their way into your ears easily and the characters are extremely memorable. Check it out on Netflix Instant if it sounds up your alley, but beware. As many fans can attest, the material introduced within the film can be quite addictive. We should just be thankful that it doesn’t come in a little glass vial.

Tag: Reviews (page 5 of 36)

Book Review: Confessions of a Freelance Penmonkey

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Last Action Hero

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! True Lies

Movie Review: Thor

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Repo! The Genetic Opera

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