I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions.
I mean, I get the concept. Setting a goal for the year ahead isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. Admirable, even. The problem I see is that few people really commit to changing themselves. Gym memberships go unused within a month or two, new diets get abandoned, so on and so forth.
I’m not saying I’m some sort of self-help guru, over here, but the reason I don’t make big New Year’s resolution posts is because I don’t want to be caught up in my own hypocrisy. I’ve had enough of that problem to last a lifetime.
I’ve been ‘away’ for a while. I’ve been dealing with traumas both recent and ancient, processing a lot of raw emotions, and committing myself to change, in a very real and visceral sense. And believe me, I get why people stop going to the gym or reach for the Cheetos or cigarettes after a few weeks of enforced misery. This shit is hard, dude.
While I’ve let things like this blog and my novel-writing fall by the wayside, I can say that I haven’t been sitting idle. My ongoing process in self-exploration and self-actualization is being chronicled in Innercom Chatter (which has its own Facebook page), and that project is going well enough that I can see it going beyond its individual posts. I’ve also written some poetry. I suspect I’ll write more, as it keeps the wheels greased, at least.
And I haven’t forgotten about my other writings. I intend to post an update about my novellas, with the aim of getting Bloody Streets up and purchasable by spring. And Coven? It’s my goal to have at least a draft readable by beta readers by summer, and a manuscript out to agents by fall. Getting back into the groove with it has been very difficult, and while I know I brought my own momentum to a screeching halt even before my life fell apart, I still think I made the right choice to ensure this story stands out, that it hits readers where they live, and, in the end, will leave them wanting more.
There’s a possibility for fan fiction or other projects, as well, but I don’t know how much energy I’m going to have in the weeks and months ahead, and I’m trying to spend it more wisely.
I live with bipolar disorder, crippling anxiety, a nasty habit of overthinking, and massive amounts of grief every day. Corralling the head weasels takes time and effort. I’m getting help, and hopefully will soon manage things a bit more smoothly and give myself more room for projects, but for now, I’m working with what I’ve got. And I hope you will continue to bear with me.
2016 is the year I take my life back, and finally accomplish what I’ve been meaning to do since I first read The Cat Who Walks Through Walls.
If I were into resolutions, that’d be the one.